November 15th 2019, I sat on the bathroom floor on the phone to my mum waiting for the result of my pregnancy test. I was so nervous, under my mums instructions I took a deep breath and looked. I WAS PREGNANT!!!! Wow I was so excited, I was nervous as to what Mike would say, if I’d loose him over this, I didnt! At first he was nervous, co fused and scared but we promised each other we would stick together through anything. We couldnt keep in our excitement and blurted out the amazing news to both of our close family.
That weekend we had picked Mike’s daughter up excited at the thought of becoming a family of 4, Mike decided he couldnt wait any longer to put the Christmas tree up, I however suffering with morning sickness was less enthusiastic. Still a great day and one of my favourite family memories.
On November 19th 2019 I had woken up very early in a lot of discomfort, I had a fuzzy head and a weird sensation in my tummy. I tried all day to fight the weird feelings but something felt wrong. I nearly collapsed and Mike had begged me to go to hospital, but I refused. I made him grab his bag and go to work as he was on nights, the second i kissed his lips and said goodbye i knew I’d be seeing him again in different circumstances.
The pain was getting horrendous, I’d reached out to my mum who said the discomfort was normal for the 7week stage so I got on with my night infront of the TV snuggled up with Lexi (our dog) at 19.50 I went to toilet, feeling very dizzy I slowly stood up and turned to flush the chain, I hit the floor in horror at the sight of blood. I reached for my phone shaking and screaming and managed to sent the simple text to my nan of ‘I’m bleeding.’ Within 20minutes my mum arrived at my house, she put my socks and shoes on and rang Mike to tell him she wasnt taking any risks and was getting me to hospital.
Faced with the triage nurse she asked what was wrong and I said very softly and quietly ‘I’m pregnant, but I’m bleeding’ the time in hospital was very much a blur, with only certain things engraved in my mind, the nurse was very young but so kind and sympathetic to my phobia of needles, I’m a celebrity get me out of here was on the TV in the waiting room, my mum went to morrisons to buy loads of food, drinks and panty liners. I had blood tests and was asked to wait for the doctor. The next thing I remember was walking to the ward holding Mike’s hand so tightly, I lay on the bed Mike sat holding my hand in the chair next to me and my mum with all her food on the other side of the room. As soon as the doctor walked in I could tell by his face, i stopped breathing for what felt like hours, I grabbed Mike’s had and he pulled me into him both of us crying, my mum sobbing but still finding the courage to ask the doctor the questions that hadn’t even popped in my head. Mike and I sat crying in each others arms for what felt like and eternity until the doctor told me to go home and get some rest.
I have no idea what time we left the hospital or what time we got home but I remember it being late, and not a single word being spoken all the way home between Mike and I. The following day was the hardest, I was in a huge amount of pain physically and so mentally angry, I could have smashed every sing plate and every window and just screamed until my lungs burnt, I couldnt do that not while the love of my life was sat in tears on the sofa heartbroken. I had messaged his best friend and asked for his help urgently as I didnt know what to do, this was all my fault and I could fix it.
This is when things started to fall apart, Mike went back to work that night, I was alone in the thoughts of anger, blame and self destruction, I had been given time of work to heal but I didnt want to heal, I wanted my baby! The hurt and the grief went on for days even weeks to when it all got too much for Mike, he gave me the reality of I needed help and I needed to get better as I was no longer the women he had fallen in love with and he was scared for me. With that being said almost instantly I locked that memory, those feeling and everything about that situation in a box never to come again.
We had an amazing first Christmas day as a family, spent with Mike’s daughter and then had dinner with my family. What I didnt know is while i was dancing and drinking with the ones i loved, Mike was making his way round my mum,my nan and my grandad to ask their permission to propose to me, which he did on boxing day in a slate mine!!! (We loved the adventure life) I know had my reason back I was going to be a wife, my happily ever after, or was it?
Mums That Matter 